| You can't blame a girl for sticking to what she knows. |
[entries|friends|calendar] |
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| I'm a pepper |
[06 Feb 2007|11:55am] |
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Green Acres Theme Song |
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So it's been well well over a year or something since I've posted.
Life is okay.
College is fun.
My heart is alright.
Have you ever wanted one thing and needed another..and you don't know how to decide which is right for you? Everytime I think I've made the right decision I'm right back into thinking I've messed up again.
"Why do I fall in love with every person who shows me the least bit of attention?"
I'm not sure what to do with myself these days..it's such a roller coaster of emotions and I can't seem to get off the ride.
I did get a new tattoo yesterday though. That was fun. Hurt like fuck..but fun nonetheless.
Would I be out of line if I said I miss you?
It's not like it even matters...you can miss someone all you want but it does not change the reality of the situation. Things will never change. People never change. As much as I want him to he never will. He will never care about me like he used to. He will never treat me like he used to. And neither will I. That alone is enough to break my heart. I want it all back. I want everything we had back..but it's never going to happen. So if I know it'll never happen why do I still want it? Why can't I just move on and get over it?
I want to be like the people in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind...erase people from their memory....yeah. But then I'd probably regret that.
;sdlkfj I'm just rambling. Sorry.
I'm going to nap before my 2nd class.
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| Ben Harper. |
[01 Dec 2005|08:26pm] |
All this talk of getting old is getting me down my love.
Now the drugs don't work.
They just make things worse
But I know I'll see your face again.
So baby, if heaven calls I'm coming too.
And like you said, if you leave my life I'm better off dead.
<3
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| Surveeeey |
[04 Nov 2005|01:32pm] |
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The silence of 5th period |
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Fill out..please! : )
WHAT IF::
1. I died:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I started smoking:
5. I stole something:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?
::WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY::
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Family:
::WOULD YOU::
13. Be my friend?
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?
15. Hold my hand?
16. Take a bullet for me?
17. Keep in touch?
18. Try and solve my problems?
19. Love me?
20. Date me?
21. Call me when I was sick just to see if I felt better?
22. Visit me when I was sick...and let me sleep in your arms?
::HAVE YOU EVER::
23. Lied to make me feel better?
24. Wanted to kiss me?
25. Wanted to kill me?
26. Broken my heart?
27. Kept something important from me?
28. Thought I was unbearably annoying?
::AND MORE::
29. Who are you?
30. Are we friends?
31. When and how did we meet?
32. Describe me in one word:
33. What was your first impression?
34. Do you still think that way about me now?
35. What reminds you of me?
36. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
37. How well do you know me?
38. When's the last time you saw me?
39. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
40. Are you gonna repost this to see what I say about you?
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| Hey kids |
[18 Jul 2005|03:41pm] |
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Mike's dad |
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Ok, I'm updating for about the 2nd time this summer..
Not much has been going on. My days are pretty routine.
Chauncey and I are on good terms now and I couldn't be more happier. I hated those few weeks when we weren't talking. It's weird how someone can go from a part of your daily routine to non exisitant in your life..and it overall sucks. I'm just reallllllly glad we're friends!
So registration is August 14. I'm getting kind of nervous. We're going to be seniors. I just remember being like 5 years old and thinking "wow..I graduate in 13 years!" and here it is..9 months away. It's insane. I'm so ready for it though.
How's everyones summer going?
Let me know.
kbye
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| holy shit guys |
[13 Jun 2005|05:23pm] |
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Mike's dad talking to me. |
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yes, that's right. i'm updating.
wow. sooo much has happened and it's only the second week of summer.
i have a new job at Applebee's. I'm a hostess and so far I love it. I love everyone that works there and it pays better than Bilo.
I'm at Mike's house at the moment. I've been over here since I got off of work and I'm talking to his dad about Mike doing yard work or something.
But yes...Chauncey and I broke up. I'll be the first to take the blame for it and call myself chicken shit for doing it over the phone. But if you've ever broken up with someone it's really hard to do in person so yeah..i'm chicken shit. So what? He comes back into town in about 3 and 1/2 hours and I'm going over there tomorrow for his birthday..we need to talk about a lot of things so hopefully we'll leave it on good terms. I really do care about him..that's obvious to anyone but it's just hard when you're feelings shift and you don't want to hurt them. And plus I have feelings for someone else and I really don't care if anyone knows.
Most of my friends already know about it because well..it's been somewhat obvious for the last few months and the fact that he's my best friend. we'll see what happens.. i've waited for this for so long and it's finally here.
Michael Jackson was cleared of all charges. Now that's some shit.
DHL, WHO DO YOU WORK FOR???? haha wow Hanging out with Mandy & Lizzie & Sam all summer is getting to me. awesome times.
alright bye kids.
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| I am heaven sent. |
[08 Apr 2005|10:32am] |
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 she's gonna be great! |
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Regis and Kelly |
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I'm making this entry public so everyone can know the truth.
Yesterday Lindsay, Eileen, Elizabeth and I all went to the hopsital after school.
Finally Elizabeth and I went in to see her and I'm telling you it made every tear and doubt go away. She looked at me. She started crying and trying to talk and grabbed my hand and I just wanted to rip the tube out of her throat and let her speak whatever was on her mind. I miss the sound of her voice. But Nicole, you're getting stronger. You're doing so well and pretty soon your ADD will kick in and you'll be screaming just to get out of that damn hospital bed. lol I'm pretty sure she knows about Brian. Meg and I concluded that she's not a dumbass and the fact that nobody's asking about him or mentioning him and he's not there...she can put 2 and 2 together. It's going to be hard for her. But like Gerogina said on her live journal....me, Meg, her, Matt, Molly, Marla, Luke, Drew, John, Brant, and every other person that cares about her are going to be there every step of the way. I'm never going to leave your side Nicole. I love you.
So after the hospital Luke and I went to Wal*Mart and made copies of pictures for the Meisners. Mrs. Meisner is doing better. I can't even imagine how she's feeling inside. So I chatted with Mr. Meisner for about 20 minutes and I tried to make him feel better about everything. You know, telling him all the wonderful things about Brian (which wasn't hard at all) and just reminding him what an amazing friend he was and how much people love him. I think I helped a little bit. Hopefully..
I know this is going to sound kind of mean but I have to get it out. I've talked about it to a few people and most people say it's normal to feel but it just really bothers me. People that never or hardly talked to Brian are in constant tears and about 20 X more upset then say someone like me or Devin or Drew or anyone who talked to him on a regular basis, hung out with him on weekends, talked on the phone, etc etc. I understand they want to show their support but when you stand in a circle in the middle of class in front of his locker and cry..it's a bit ridiculous. laksjf Whatever. And kind of the same with Nicole. People I know Nicole can't stand are going up to the hospital, signing the banner in the atrium, and all this shit and I'm just like "omfg..she hates you why are you here!?!" it just pisses me off because I guess it's kind of a protective thing just the fact that I was really close with Brian and am and still am close with Nicole and people who try to pretend to piss the fuck out of me just because now they "care" because he's gone or she's hurt.
-sigh- that felt good.
Another thing is all the god damn rumors going around. No, Nicole did not lose her leg. No, Brian was not decapated. No, she was not speeding. No, she was not racing. Brian was killed instantly from abrasions to the neck...he looks fine other than a cut on his chin and his neck being bruised. Nicole had the most injuries of the three and her leg was in some danger of being taken off but SHE DID KEEP IT. her face was not "smashed" as most people have been saying. She broke her nose but it looks fine. She is really cut up but those heal quickly. She has a few stitches on her face but she doesn't need "reconstructive surgery" like people think. Her hand was broken but she had surgery on it and she's fine. Everything is fine. So just stop the fucking rumors. If you have anymore fucked up rumors or questions I'm sure you can ask me, or Meg, or Georgina, or someone that actually knows the truth..unless it's just so fucking out there like the decapated thing...in which case all three of us will have to smack you.
-Today will be hard day-
I just needed a day off to gather myself. I want to go to the hospital but she can't have visitors till Tomorrow so I'm just kind of chilling at home. I might clean my room. Tomorrow Chauncey and I are going up there. He hasn't seen her yet so he wants to. I got in there and I didn't want to leave. It was soooo nice seeing her look at me.
ok bye.
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[31 Jan 2005|07:51pm] |
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| I've got a bad feeling about this. |
[31 Jan 2005|04:11pm] |
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my cat |
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A – Accent: definately southern...sometimes too southern.
B - Breast size: according to the lady at Vicki's....36 D...but I think she lied.
C - Chore you hate: laundry and cleaning my room
D - Dad's name: Scott
E - Essential make-up item: mascara
F - Favorite Cologne: sweet pea!
G - Gold or silver: silver
H - Hometown: Greenville.
I - Insomnia: about 5 out of 7 days
J - Job title: Pay-lo.
K - Kids: 0
L - Living arrangements: in my parents house
M - Mum's birthplace: Loogoff haha south carolina
N - Number of apples you've eaten: none lately
O - Overnight hospital stays: once
P - Phobia: death, spiders, cars
Q - Queer?: like a 2 dollar bill.
R - Religious affiliation: If I knew I would tell you.
S - Siblings: 4
T - Time you wake up: 6:30ish
U - Unnatural hair colors you've worn: red and blonde
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: cucumbers
W - Worst habit: procastinating, over analyzing
X - X-rays you've had: teeth, elbow, left knee
Y - Yummy foods you make: chicken fingers, rigatoni, mac & cheese, cereal!!
Z - Zodiac sign: Taurus
-My mouth hurts so bad.-
*I went to school for a grand total of about 3 hours today..wo0t.*
Nathan took me home and I gave him the Cosmo quiz to find out his passion personality or something. he's the same as me..definate seductress.
I watched Napolean Dynamite yesterday...the most pointless movie ever. Funny lines though.
Now I'm waiting on my Steak Out... :-D
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| Hurt me. |
[29 Jan 2005|08:16am] |
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Bright Eyes- Lover I don't have to love |
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I want a lover I don't have to love
I want a boy that's so drunk he doesn't talk.
It's snowing.
Loves an excuse to get hurt. And to hurt. Do you like to hurt? I do. I do. Then hurt me.
Come over and play in the snow with me!! :-D
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[29 Jan 2005|12:26am] |
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 my feet hurt! |
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The News |
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Today was so stressful.
I can't seem to keep up in precal. I'm actually trying and it takes me like 3 days to do 1 homework assignment. Grr.
Nevertheless I suppose it was a good day.
Turns out Joni was never in a coma :-D...ugly rumors. She's going to be fine. It makes me so much happier.
Went to work at 4 and I have never seen that store more busy. I've lived in greenville all my life so I knew what to expect. One snow scare and everyone's at bilo. You'd think the state were under attack or something. So I had to stay till midnight instead of 11...8 hours..and 15 minutes for a break. Definately bullshit but I don't have to go in tomorrow till 9 instead of 7:30.
My "afternoon tea" got canceled!!!! THANK GOD!! I didn't wanna dress up.
Nathan came to visit me at work. We were trying not to laugh at the stupid black man who didn't know how to check himself out. I swear...people are so fucking dumb. Honestly.
Sara also came and saw me. She was all dressed up and picked out chap stick for me. lol
Ughhh my feet hurt.
I think I'm going up to Elax's next Friday and spending the night...maybe. Perhaps.
Wo0t!! We're going snowboarding!! And when I say we I mean all the cool kids. Feb 12 baby!!
------comment------
Kryss- I love u. And I'm sorry I didn't go to your house last night. Nazi parents. But next Sunday -- You and Me = mad hot sex....+ babies.
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| Will you sleep tonight? Or will you think of me? |
[26 Jan 2005|08:10pm] |
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Switchfoot- I Dare You to Move |
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Everything's been so fucked up lately.
My friend Joni is in ICU in a coma. Other than my grandparents, I've never had someone close to me die or even get severely hurt. I'm not sure how to feel other than to cry.
I hate the way life throws things at you unexpectedly. Sometimes I love it because it's what keeps it interesting and thrilling but other times it seems like God's standing above you going "Ok, so first we're gonna let this happen to you, throw a little of that in there..add some stress in between that oh and by the way we're gonna hurt this person that's really close to you." I know everything happens for a reason and I know God would never put me through something I can't handle but sometimes it gets hard. Really hard.
30 marines were killed today.
It seems like the scent of death is surrounding me. Like, everywhere I turn someone's dying or hurting or suffering. Maybe it's a sign.
-What shall I render to the Lord for all his benefits toward me? I will take up the cup of salvation, and call upon the name of the Lord. I will pay my vows to the Lord now in the presense of all His people. Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints.
Psalm 116:12-15-
*Moving in slow like the smoke from your cigarette.
Every step closer's a step that we both will regret.
Keeping a tally, but who can keep track?
Your overreacting is taking me back to a time better left alone.
Holding onto the phone, holding onto this glass, Holding onto the memory of what didn't last.
Waiting for better words, they'll never come.
So dry your eyes, it's better.
Now it's done.*
-If that doesn't pin point how I feel right now nothing will.-
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| Post Number 2...deal with it. |
[24 Jan 2005|09:54pm] |
My name is: Laura
I may seem: happy
People who know me think: I'm weird
If you knew me you'd probably: wanna cry.
Sometimes I feel: depressed
My days are pretty: okay.
Yesterday: blurry
In the morning I: don't want to wake up.
I like to sleep: During the day
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: in love.
Money is: what I need right now
One thing I don't have that I wish I did is: No comment.
One thing I have that I wish I didn't is: hospital bills
All you need is: happiness and a warm bed...oh and music.
All I need is: You.
If I had one wish it would be: That he wanted me and only me.
When I look in the mirror I see: a person I don't want to be.
Love is: hard to find, easy to lose, and it seems like there's not enough to go around.
(is it just me or was that deep? hm.)
If I could see one person right now it would be: Elax
Something I want but I don't really need is: Brian whoa did I type that out loud?
I live for: the moment
I am afraid of: dying
It makes me angry when: i overthink and get jealous
I daydream about: getting a life.
1 Year Ago, I was:
o1. depressed
o2. cold
o3. a sophmore
o4. jobless
o5. boyfriendless
2 Years Ago, I:
o1. a virgin. hahaha hm.
o2. thought life was simple
o3. was really good friends with Roxie
o4. on pills
o5. a freshman
-I think I'm better off now than I was 2 years ago...or even a year ago. Shit..even 6 months ago. Maybe..-
"You know, if I wasn't so sure you were a lesbian I'd say you were coming onto me."
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| Those days are gone... |
[24 Jan 2005|09:16pm] |
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Greenday- Extraordinary Girl |
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Today was an okay day I guess....
I'm just a jealous bitch sometimes and I hate myself for it. I'm sorry. I just don't understand shit and it pisses me off.
On another note.
Went to school.
Ricky gave me and Christa a ride home. We stopped by Phil's..it was t00 hot. lol
Ricky is actually a really good person to talk to I've found out.
I just got back from Bilo. Darian and Mitch were up there. Always fun.
Poor Mike, he's sick.
LapseOfReason06: fuck em
LapseOfReason06: man computers are gay
LapseOfReason06 signed off at 9:24:51 PM.
-See what happens when you're mean to your computer?-
myshiningstarrr: do what you gotta do homedawg.
SoTy chick 22: hahaha
myshiningstarrr: gotta break out that 9
myshiningstarrr: do it
myshiningstarrr: i gotcha back
SoTy chick 22: haha
-I'm so damn gangster-
*Yeah, I've had a lot of interesting conversations today haha Mike.*
I said maybe you're gonna be the one who saves me..
And after all you're my wonderwall...
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[23 Jan 2005|10:32pm] |
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The drier |
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It's safe to say this weekend was a blur.
Friday...I smoked with some people...that was great great fun. I have so many memories in my boat now.
Saturday...Got up at 6:55 and took the SAT. Came home..Went to Brian's..we went to the movies and dinner. It was a lot of fun. Then we hung out for a little bit and stopped by my mom's to hit her up for weed. hahaha Then hung out for a little while more and I took him home. Awesome night.
Sunday (today)...Nicole's whore ass woke me up at 11. Her and Brian came over..made a few more memories in the boat. Went to TCBY hahaha omg I swear that woman knew!!! So then we sat around my house for a bit..I went to work at 4. Got off an hour early. I was gonna stay out with Darian but something told me I needed to come home so I did. And sure enough my parents are here.....ironic.
"Only stoners go to TCBY on a cold day."
"Remember, they do make weed that smells like Ramen noodles. Don't let your kids fool you."
This week is going to blow. I hate school.
Comment and make me think you actually care.
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| Well somebody told me that you had a girlfriend. |
[20 Jan 2005|03:36pm] |
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Almost late for work |
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The highlights of my day.
<3333
And last but definately not least...
oh and..
I think Ray's jeans are tighter than all of the girls there put together. haha but I love you, Ray.
Awesome day.
John LaBash: I didn't do jack shit, Mrs. Robert.
*Off to work*
Sam you whore bring me pizza!
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| Leave that damn chicken alone. |
[19 Jan 2005|02:22pm] |
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The Television |
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I think of you and everything's alright.
I didn't go to school today. Just didn't feel like it.
Taking the SAT on Saturday.......yep. Definately gonna fail. Not really. but
I doubt I'll get a 1410 like Cole.
I've decided that hearing Chauncey's voice
makes my day better
no
matter how bad it's going. :-)
Elax is coming down this weekend.
Maybe I'll see him?
--Comment-- Cause you know you want to.
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| Sometimes she feels like dying. |
[17 Jan 2005|11:16pm] |
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music |
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Green Day- We're coming home again. |
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She gets so sick of crying.
This weekend was pretty fun I suppose.
I don't really feel like talking about it though.
Do you ever wonder if this is all life is? You fall into this routine of just being here and having the same habits over and over day after day and you feel like you're in a rut. Life is supposed to be exciting and fun and everlasting but the truth is..it's not. Sometimes I get so frustrated with life. It make me wonder if people thousands of miles away have the same thoughts or problems I do. It's just cool to think about. I also wonder what life is supposed to be like. Are our lives planned out for us? We're born, we grow and educate ourselves, find a mate, reproduce, live our life and then it's over? Only to repeat the same process millions upon millons of more times? That can't be it. I always think about how I want to live my life to the max. No regrets and experience everything. Well, the truth is I'm 16 years old. I have more regrets than I can count and I haven't yet begun to expierence life. Regret is inevitable I guess, but I don't think I would have so many regrets if I wasn't so careless all the time. Living in the moment and being spontaneous are two of the best things I do and one day it'll kill me. One day I'm going to make a list of all the things I want to accomplish before I die. I'm not sure how long it'll be but I'll accomplish every one. Life is a true blessing and it can be taken away from you faster than you have time to blink.
Just thought I'd share my little brain fuss.
I saw Elax this weekend. Yeah. I haven't seen him in a year and a half and it just threw a wrench into everything I thought I had planned. He's the first guy...and pretty much only guy I've ever been in love with. Seeing him was sufficinately awkward but amazing. I couldn't help but think about Chauncey. I'm not sure if I should feel bad or not. Some of my friends say I should...others don't blame me. Oh well.
Nobody likes you.
Everyone left you
They're all out without you
Havin' fun!
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| You're such a sucker for a sweet talker. |
[13 Jan 2005|10:19pm] |
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Rain...hell yeah. |
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Exams= over bitches!!!
60 on my French exam...wo0t. hm.
72 on US History exam but a 93 for the quarter.
uhm..I don't know any of my other grades.
I read Lindsay's live journal and I felt like a real idiot...Miss 102 on your French exam! I should have copied your note card. haha
Today was pretty okay I suppose.
Sam helped me with my room. It looks badass now. :-)
Went over to her house to watch the OC with LizE, Ashlee, Cory, and Bill. It was quite entertaining. I need to hang out with them more often. haha
--You are just..amazing--
Tomorrow's Friday. I'm going to Wild Wings and maybe Tiki Bob's with Joni, Darian, and Mike...hopefully. Who knows?
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| Hmm... |
[12 Jan 2005|08:53pm] |
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 awake |
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TV |
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I kicked major ass on my physics exam.
After school we went to El Jalisco. We had like 20 something people..it was pretty fun. Alex showed up and chatted with me. He thinks I'm depressed or something...quite opposite.
Then me, Lizzie, Ashlee, Christa, Kasey, Christian, and Ray all went to Ray's house and played some hardcore DDR! I've never really played ..i think I've tried once..but wow it was fun. Christa was getting so into it haha. Ray..wow he's just like a machine. I don't know how he does it. I did one dance to the YMCA!! hahaha yeah.
We left Ray's about 2:45 and Christa, Lizzie, and Ashlee came into see my new empty room. lol Ashlee and Lizzie haven't been over since the vagina smoke so it was cool.
Mike called me at like 3 something and him and Darian were in Bolivia. For some reason there were mexicans. Bolivian Mexicans.....and pedro giving a blow job in order to get them back here quicker. Anyways haha they picked me up and we went to the bowling alley to hang out. I was in the bitchest mood ever. I tried really hard not to be but I couldn't help it. It was fun though. Danny showed up and Mike & Darian attacked me. Quite fun.
I was in a bitchy mood like I said so Darian took me home and I slept for like 3 hours. Now here I am.
Tomorrow is AP US History..it's going to suck. I'm gonna say a 70 something.
-I'll wait for you. I cross my heart-
*I'm so happy right now. For the first time in a loooong time I'm not confused about anything at all. I know what and who I want. I hope this doesn't change.*
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